one or the other

I tried to draw today, and once again, I ended up with nothing. It seems as though I’ve lost all my creative abilities when it comes to putting a pencil to my sketchbook. I just go completely blank. I went back to one of my pieces that I haven’t been able to finish, and I wasn’t able to do anything. Maybe I’m really only meant to do one thing. It’s either drawing or writing. When I used to do lots of writing, I never found myself inspired to draw, but when I gave up on writing, drawing became the next best thing, and I loved it just as much as I loved writing. My inspiration rockets back and forth according to what I’m really concentrating on at the time. So now that I’ve welcomed writing back, I say a small goodbye to drawing. Hopefully it won’t be too long before the creative juices begin to flow again. Fingers crossed I’ll be inspired enough to draw and write, and not have to decide between doing one or the other.

Oh, and I had my final piano lesson yesterday. I actually felt slightly sad as I was telling my piano teacher that I wasn’t coming anymore. So here’s another goodbye, it’s been six long years, I hope my piano doesn’t gather dust. Now that’s sad…

Anyway, before I finish, I just want to say that I really, really dislike you so much right now. That is all.

“The moment you think you understand a great work of art, it’s dead for you.” ~Oscar Wilde

Goodbye and take care.

awww

I was looking through a folder of random images today, and this one just made my day! My friend, Vanessa, sent me this on my birthday this year and it just made me smile. I thought she had made it herself, but she said she found it on Google Images. Nevertheless, I still love it! I’m totally digging the fact that it’s on a green plate too. Haha.

Two and a half years and counting, we’ve come a long way. We have Anberlin to thank for this. I ♥ Vanessa.

“Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence.” ~Aristotle

Goodbye and take care.

unprotected

Tonight made me realise that maybe it’s time to just let it all out in the open; stop the pretending, stop the hiding. So I decided to make the majority of my blogs public. The entries that are still password protected will remain that way. Many of these entries are extremely personal, so it’s a slightly massive step for me to be opening this up, especially now that I know that my friends are reading this. In saying that, I don’t mind comments, that’s if you have any, so don’t hold back, but PLEASE don’t feel the need to be nice and feel sympathy for me. I guess it’s much easier for me to write about it than talk about it.

To leafless: Thank you for your previous comment. I really appreciate that you’ve been reading my entries regularly. I guess it’s sort of back to how it used to be now with my blog. Happy reading, and happy blogging to you.

“Writing is a form of personal freedom. It frees us from the mass identity we see in the making all around us. In the end, writers will write not to be outlaw heroes of some underculture but mainly to save themselves, to survive as individuals.” ~Don Delillo

Goodbye and take care.

ahem

So today, I walked to school! (Yay!) Lisa and I were meant to meet up at Flinders St Station so we could walk to school like we normally do every Thursday. I called her, and she said she was running a bit late, so she asked me to meet her at Collins St. Instead of taking the tram, I decided to walk there instead (stupid me!). So, I’m standing at the corner of Collins and Swanston waiting as Lisa comes by on her tram and she points at me as she goes by. I finally meet up with her and we decided to walk from Collins St all the way to school, it took us less time than we thought it would. Lisa and I have great conversations during our walks. Today, we talked about: chemistry and all the associated formulas (damn Lisa and her last minute cram for the Chemistry quiz), year 11 formal (again), year 12 subject selections, people who live in the CBD that choose to take the tram instead of walk, random not-so-good looking Melbourne High boy and our parents. Oh, and Legal Studies. How could I forget that… *rolls eyes*

I lost my double free period this morning due to the Chemistry quiz, and now, I’m going to lose my double free period next week as well due to the Maths quiz. DAMN QUIZZES! WHY CAN’T IT BE ON ANOTHER DAY?! Anyway, besides from me being slightly annoyed by the loss of double free periods, the rest of the day was reasonably good. I had an extended lunch time because Mr G let us out around 35 minutes early. Sharline and I went into the library and had an intense conversation about the three things we’d bring if we were to be stuck on an island. Here’s what we decided;

• A private jet (fully stocked with food and drinks, of course), fuel and an experienced pilot

Lunch time was pretty crazy. Apparently a name I used to be called is back, “queer bait”. I seemed to be the target of a lot of hugs/tackles from behind today, well, a lot more than usual. In terms of the amount of people touching/messing up my hair, it exceeded the daily limit of zero by a lot! It got to a point where I had to whip out my phone so I could fix it. I almost got suffocated with my blazer by Belinda, Annie chased me around the table about 5 times, I got hit in the head by an empty juice bottle about 4 times, I got my chest smashed into the table by Bonita, I stepped on Belinda’s sore toe (sorry!), and yeah, that’s all I can really remember right now. Eventful, don’t you reckon? Oh, and thanks for the extremely nice hugs, Belinda and Monique.

I must say too, English today was a waste of two whole periods! I wanted to go to sleep so badly. The clock in L205 really needs to be changed too. Every time I looked up, the time was 2:45pm or something like that, so I kept thinking we had half an hour to go. Stupid clock! The room still smells. That is all.

“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” ~Oscar Wilde

Goodbye and take care.

protected

So all of a sudden, about half of my blog has become password protected. To the certain people that have just found out about my blog, it’s nothing against you, you are very welcome to read the rest of my entries, though you probably won’t find them too interesting. The other stuff may become public in time… or not. I’m not quite sure about that yet. I wasn’t really hoping that you guys would read it, but since we’re all in a “blogging” frenzy, you might as well have look at mine.

I’m going to keep this one very short because my index finger is hurting like crazy. Happy reading?

“Work spares us from three evils: boredom, vice, and need.” ~Voltaire

Goodbye and take care.

face down

Nothing too long today.
It’s been a mix of happiness and sadness.
Things haven’t gotten better.
They’re just getting that little bit worse.
I feel slightly numb.
The same two songs have been on repeat all day.
…and the day before.
…and the night before that.
Face Down by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.
Original and acoustic versions.
I don’t really know why.
I just can’t stop listening to it.
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?

“There are moments in life, when the heart is so full of emotion That if by chance it be shaken, or into its depths like a pebble Drops some careless word, it overflows, and its secret, Spilt on the ground like water, can never be gathered together.” ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Goodbye and take care.

*Photo credit: Fallen Angel by =Apri1 on deviantART

Protected: faith

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for the ears

If you’ve read my earlier entries, you’d know that I’m awaiting the release of Anberlin’s new record ‘New Surrender’. Anberlin posted a track from ‘New Surrender’ on MySpace the other day. I’m extremely excited about this, simply because it’s an amazing track. The song is called ‘Disappear’ and the lyrics are just beautiful (I reckon you should all have a listen!). It’s been my most played track this week. I’ve listened to the song so much (and practically memorised the words line for line) that my brother almost cracked it after the first 2 or so hours of listening to it on repeat. ‘New Surrender’ is my “most anticipated release of 2008″, and ‘Disappear’ has just made my excitement increase by a lot! If there’s anything that can make me squeal in excitement and make my face light up, it’s Anberlin. In saying that, I would like to thank Monique for dealing with my constant Anberlin chit chat, and to my friend Chris; I am very glad that I have a friend who can obsess over Anberlin with me. September 30th, here we come!

In other music news, The Academy Is… released their first single from their new record ‘Fast Times At Barrington High’. I got a look at the cover art, and I must say, I’m a tad disappointed. I know I shouldn’t judge the music by the cover art, but I’ve listened to their new single ‘About A Girl’ quite a few times, and it’s nothing exciting. I’m quite scared for the rest of the album, but I’m desperately hoping that the rest of the album will prove me wrong. Listening to ‘About A Girl’ makes me wonder about how much I absolutely love their first record ‘Almost Here’. There was something about ‘Almost Here’ that made it seem special in a sense. ‘Santi’ was also quite a good record, though for me, nothing compares to ‘Almost Here’. So now, I’m crossing my fingers for ‘Fast Times At Barrington High’ and hoping that it will not be a disappointment.

Finally, all I want to say is that I want to listen to ‘The Glass Passenger’ right now. April 22nd, 2008, was the intended release date of Jack’s Mannequin’s second record. The date then got pushed back to June, and now it’s been pushed back again to September. Besides from Anberlin, Jack’s Mannequin is my other love, and I can’t wait to hear their new album.

“Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and cannot remain silent.” ~Victor Hugo

Goodbye and take care.

Protected: thank you

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believe

You’re strong.
You can get through this.
All those things you’ve told me.
They prove that you can pull through.
You don’t need me to pick you up.
But I’m always here for you.
I won’t go if you don’t want me to.
Just ignore what they say.
Only you know the truth.
Believe it, and clear the rest away.
Your heart knows best.
This isn’t going to be easy.
But I can tell you’re going to be ok.
I feel it in my heart.
You’re strong.
You can get through this.
I know you can.

“Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.” ~James Arthur Baldwin

Goodbye and take care.