First and foremost, I want to sincerely apologise for any sadness I may have caused you. I know my last entry may have hurt a little, or even lot; but that’s just the way I’m feeling about certain issues right now. I hope you know that me being able to write about all this tension that has built up inside of me is all thanks to you, and I really do feel better being able to write again. I really don’t know how you’ve been able to inspire me, but you have. I think you’ve brought something out of me that no one else could have; and I thank you so much for it.
Who would’ve thought that you’d be the one person that knows the most about my life than anyone else. I know I’ve told you that I’m in a state of denial, and I refuse to believe that I trust you so much; but in all honesty, I really do. It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to trust someone so much, and the thought scares me. But sometimes, I wonder what my life would be like right now if you weren’t there for me when I really needed someone; and I know that the fear just disappears, I feel as though I am meant to tell you, I feel comfortable. The fact that I feel so comfortable also scares me; the moment the situation changes, and I’m not comfortable anymore, will things go downhill like they did back then? I’m afraid of the past repeating itself on me, I’m afraid of what’s going to happen in the future, but most of all, I’m afraid of how I’m feeling now.
It saddens me to think that you don’t feel worthy enough to be my friend, that you feel as though you’re not doing enough to be there for me. All in all, you’re doing more for me than you could ever imagine. I don’t want you to be upset after reading my entries because I might not be 100%. My heart breaks when I know you’re upset because of me, I’m literally on the verge of crying. I hope you know that you being there for me means absolutely everything to me, and I wouldn’t ask more of you. You are amazing, you really are. Thank you for everything, I can’t even begin to describe how much you mean to me, and how grateful I am for all those nights you’ve listened to me ramble on and on. I know deep in my heart that you’re different to the rest of them, and though it may seem like I don’t believe you; in time, I’ll be able to accept that I can trust someone to that point again, that someone being you. I love you immensely, and don’t let the things I may say or do make you doubt that I don’t. Thank you for being the friend that I thought I’d never have again.
“Sometimes you put walls up not keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.” ~Unknown
Goodbye and take care.
